Currently Listening Perfect By Simple Plan Perfect see related

FYI: This is going to be rant/sad/depressed post. Do not read if you are bothered by this

So in Composition class today we were given an in class writing assignment, and it made me write some stuff I didn't want to. Mostly just some family stuff that I probably didn't have to write, but it went with the topic and she said we had to use personal experiences, so I did. All it did was make me sad and gloomy. Maybe I'll get a good grade on it. Who knows? Actually, to tell you the truth, I was feeling sad anyways, because we were supposed to pair up in class, and there was no one for me to pair up with.The teacher didn't notice, which was good, because last time, she noticed and called attention to the fact that I had no one to be partnered with. "Is there anyone who doesn't have a partner, because I need someone to be Brittany's partner." Well, groups were already picked, no one wanted an extra person, so she told me to go with these two girls, who didn't want me to be there, and then it was awkward because we were supposed review each other's papers, well how do you do that in a group of three? So even though I was in a group, I wasn't doing anything.

Then yesterday, at this race, our groups were split so that we had 2 guys and 2 girls in each group. Well, the girl in my group tells me, "I don't know you, I don't want to be in your group, I want to be in so-and-so's group. Don't expect me to help you at all." What do you say to that? "Great. Thanks for the info. I won't bother to ask for your opinion." No. I didn't say that, I just kind of shrugged and went on my way. And at the CAP trip to Houston, the other two girls clicked with each other, and I was stuck with my sister. At least I had Carolyn, if she hadn't went I would not have had a partner. Then I would have been shoved into the girls group and they would have hated me more than they already do.

About Carolyn. I get tired of hearing her mention certain family secrets concerning me that I'm not even allowed to tell my best friends. I bet she told hers. When I say I get tired, I mean literally, I feel horrible, about something that I didn't do, something that's not my fault, and I want to lay down on my bed and cry. I feel that way now. But I have to go to PE in like 15 minutes. Sometimes I do go laydown and cry. Sometimes I get angry at her and retaliate with some not so nice saying. Then I feel even worse inside, because I've been mean to her. While some people would say, "So what? She's mean to you all the time." Yeah well, it's different. If she's mean to me, I don't say anything to my mom. I don't mention it. I just keep it inside. If I say something in retaliation to my sister, she tells my mom, and I look like a horrible person. Which considering I can go for weeks without hearing from my "friends" I probably am. The only person I ever talk to is Amanda and I haven't seen her in almost 6 months.

My sister doesn't realize that I don't rat on her every chance I get like she does to me. I never tell on her when she does something she isn't supposed to. But when she gets in trouble because my mom saw it, she blames it on me. Then when she walks past me, she hits me as hard as she can. It hurts. Not physically, but emotionally. Sometimes I wish I had to the ability to buy a gun and the guts to use it on myself. You know what? People who commit suicide probably don't go to heaven. I don't think I'll go Heaven anyway, I haven't talked to God in like a month. I only pray at Dinner when it's expected of me and I don't mean what I say. I have a form prayer, that covers everything : "God is Great, God is Good, now I thank him for my food. I pray for CarrieAnne, Grandma Benny, Sarah, Amanda, Ms. Eunice, Mrs. Harris, Hope, Michael's grandfather, Kaitlin, Leslie's dad, Logan's dad Amen."

I told you this was a sad post. I'm going to PE now, where I can work off my anger and sadnesss.

THE FINAL
 INSPECTION


The soldier stood and faced God,

Which must always come to pass.

 He hoped his shoes were shining,

Just as brightly as his brass.



 "Step forward now, you soldier,

How shall I deal with you?

 Have you always turned the other cheek?

 To My Church have you been true?"



 The soldier squared his shoulders and said,

"No, Lord, I guess I ain't.

 Because those of us who carry guns,

Can't always be a saint.



 I've had to work most Sundays,

And at times my talk was tough.

 And sometimes I've been violent,

because the world is awfully rough.



 But, I never took a penny,

That wasn't mine to keep...

 Though I worked a lot of overtime,

When the bills got just too steep.



 And I never passed a cry for help,

Though at times I shook with fear.

 And sometimes, God, forgive me,

I've wept unmanly tears.



 I know I don't deserve a place,

Among the people here.

 They never wanted me around,

Except to calm their fears.



 If you've a place for me here, Lord,

It needn't be so grand.

 I never expected or had too much,

But if you don't, I'll understand.



 There was a silence all around the throne,

Where the saints had often trod.

 As the soldier waited quietly,

For the judgment of his God.



 "Step forward now, you soldier,

You've borne your burdens well.

 Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets;

You've done your time in Hell."

Well, that last post has made me all gloomy. I feel sad, but I didn't even know the people. You know, I think we Americans get hardened towards the fact that people die in Iraq and we don't honestly care. The news person says, "Another helicopter crashed in Iraq today, killing all on board." We don't all gasp and mourn, not even for a minute. Somewhere, someone recieves news that the person we don't care about, was their husband-father-son-daughter-wife-mother. For us, life goes on, for them, there is no way it could ever be the same.

I am going to stop that. When I hear that someone else in Iraq has died I am going to give them and their families a moment of silence. Because you know what, That person gave their life so I could go to bed tonight and not have to lay there worrying that I might be raped and murdered.

You know what else? People who hate the Troops for going to Iraq ought to be Be-headed. Why? Because these men are over there dying to keep us free and all the people over here can say is, "Oh I wish they had gone against orders. I wish Bush would die and we could leave Iraq, I hate America." The next time I hear someone say they hate America, grownup or not, I am going to tell them to leave. I might only be 16, but I'm a 16 year old who loves her country.  If I hear you say you hate America, I will tell you to move to Mexico.

"I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free, And I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me." 

If I stepped on your toes with this, go cry to someone else, because I don't give a hoot.

This Weblog is dedicated to the Three men who went down in a helicopter yesterday while searching for a 16 year old girl. They were CAP members, and the loss hurts all of us deeply. I pray that their families will be able to find comfort and be able to take pride in the victims lives. This is the official letter that was sent out yesterday.

Members of the Texas Wing

It hurts when you lose a family member. The tragic situation below
illustrates to us all the potential dangers associated with our
volunteer service to our neighbors and communities. Please join me in
remembering these dedicated CAP volunteers and their families in our
prayers.

This really brings home the importance of stressing safety and
professionalism as we train for our disaster relief, homeland security,
and emergency services missions. Hurricane Dean is no longer a major
concern here in Texas, but we need to be ready for the next event,
whether it's a hurricane, a missing aircraft, or a missing child. Take
your training seriously, do it right, and let's make sure we're ready to
support our Missions for America.

You are our most important resource. You are also a valued member of
our CAP family. Thank you for your service to Civil Air Patrol and our
Nation.

JOE R. SMITH, Col, CAP
Texas Wing Commander

-----Original Message-----
From: Derocher-Harris, Missie [mailto:mderocher-harris@ capnhq.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, August 21, 2007 10:37 AM
To:
Cc: CAP Corporate Team
Subject: CAP Member Fatalities

SENT ON BEHALF OF BRIGADIER GENERAL AMY S. COURTER
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______

Members of the National Board and Board of Governors

It is with deep regret that I inform you that three members of the Civil
Air Patrol perished in the line of duty yesterday.

A Wyoming Wing aircrew was participating in an AFRCC authorized search
for a missing 16 year old. After the plane was reported two hours
overdue, a second CAP aircraft was launched to search for the missing
C-182 when a U.S. Forest Service helicopter working in the area spotted
the crash site in rough terrain.

The names of the members will not be released until their next of kin
have been notified. I will provide you with more information as it
becomes available.

Very respectfully

AMY S. COURTER
Brigadier General, CAP
Acting National Commander